Being alone without being lonely

When I was younger, I hated to be alone. In many ways, I still do.

Every day, I thank God for the actions he took in Genesis, Chapter 2.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” -- Genesis 2:18

Of course, God couldn't find another creature among his creation that would serve as a suitable "helper" for Adam, so he put him into a deep sleep, took one of his ribs and created a woman, Eve.

Now whether you believe this is actually what happened or not, the point is that one man by himself was no good. Humans need interaction with other humans. God bless those who live alone and enjoy it -- I'm just not one of them.

My wife has been the one person throughout my adult life that I have enjoyed spending time with the most. And thanks to her, for the past 13+ years, I have had children to share my time with, as well. As they have grown older, I've enjoyed a variety of activities with them, plus time together as a family.

But maybe because of the busyness that comes along with family life, I've grown to appreciate small amounts of alone time much more than before. Don't get me wrong -- I'm still no good for more than about two days without my family around me. I can't feed myself without the aid of a microwave and a precooked meal. And after just a few hours, the quiet that settles over the house starts to feel oppressive, rather than welcomed.

One of the darkest times in my life was during the year that I lived alone in eastern Oregon while my bride-to-be was finishing her last year in college across the state. I experienced great joy of being with her during a winter break that year, followed by deep depression when she returned to school and I focused on the long number of days until I would see her again.

Still, I enjoy a quiet couple of hours on our deck on a summer day, reading a good book. I enjoy an hour here and there browsing the bookstore aisles or checking out the latest offerings at the county library. And occasionally I wish I was the only one at the gym as I'm walking on the treadmill, rather than being distracted by the activity around me.

Now, from time to time, I can be alone without being lonely.

I guess this perspective must be similar to what Jesus felt when he'd finally had enough of the crowds pressing in around him at times during this three years of ministry:

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. -- Matthew 14:22-23a

But I still have some work to do when it comes to alone time. I want to feel comfortable just being alone with God. I still seem to think I need to "talk" to him, rather than just being still and letting him "speak" to me through the Spirit. I need to find ways to quiet my mind -- to clear my thoughts of the things I should be doing and instead discern his will for me and my personal journey through life.

I guess since it's taken me 40 years to appreciate a small amount of alone time, this next stage of the journey could take awhile too, right? I just pray I'm not hoping for the same thing when I'm 80.

Of course, as long as my "helper" isn't tired of my sorry backside when we get to that point and giving me all the alone time I could want, I'll be happy!